Patriotism, pyrotechnics and a misspent youth

NEWS OF NOTE

Friday, July 3, 2009

Of course I love the celebration of our country's independence. Barring a few slip-ups (like, oh, say slavery, the Trail of Tears, our record in the Philippines) our communal experiment in representative democracy, individual rights and justice for all has been a smashing success.

I also love the eerie coincidence of Thomas Jefferson and John Adams dying on the same day, July 4, 1826, exactly 50 years after the Declaration of Independence was signed. If I were the kind of believer who believes that God gives us mortals signs, I would believe that that is a sign from God endorsing American exceptionalism.

Anyway, I will be out by the grill, fulfilling my federally mandated duty to burn quantities of red meat and drink chilled adult beverages along with the rest of the country (not forgetting our troops toiling overseas for the aforementioned national liberties and the foreign service workers in our embassies around the globe).

It's the fireworks that cause me problems.

The poor Worthless Dogs do not believe in the patriotic habit of blowing stuff up to celebrate our nationhood. Not being trained as hunting dogs, they are gun-shy to a remarkable extent. The various reports of exploding ordnance throughout the day, reaching a crescendo once it gets dark then trailing away to the occasional bang until decent folks go to sleep, has the wimpy things shaking all evening, panting more than usual and trying to sit on our feet so they can lean on us. They want us to make it stop and don't understand why we can't.

They do the same thing in thunderstorms, with Rupert, the portly No. 1 rescued corgi, being especially susceptible. My beautiful wife swears he can detect thunder anywhere in the Western Hemisphere, and his nervous terror is an accurate predictor of loud weather long before it arrives.

Lizzie, The One Horse Rodeo, is also not a big fan of fireworks, though she just runs laps around her pasture and looks wild-eyed a bit more than usual.

The other thing about fireworks that I don't like is how completely wimpy the laws in Maryland are on possessing and using them.

In my Southern youth, we sneered at sparklers and pretty much anything else that wasn't the equivalent of a half-stick or so of dynamite. We used to tie cherry bombs to balloons filled with hydrogen and try to blow up streetlights (we were trained professionals on a closed course). I remember Roman candle fights, World War II re-enactments with bottle rockets and "chicken" contests with two boys (we were also unapologetically sexist) seeing who could hold a firecracker the longest without it blowing up.

Now, before the public health nannies of the world get in a swivet, I realize, years later, that such pursuits are dangerous, that they can and do lead to burns, disfiguring accidents and the loss of fingers, eyes and any and all other body parts. I would no sooner let one of my perfect daughters aim a Roman candle at anyone than I would let her accept a ride from the governor of South Carolina, but the guys in my neighborhood would have scorned and disdained as the worst kind of pantywaist anyone who restricted himself to the so-called fireworks that the state of Maryland allows.

Anyway, have a safe and sane Fourth, and take pride in your patriotism and your country as I'm sure the fine lady (a red, white and blue segue, though still pretty bad) in the item below does.

Gilliland joins GOP committee

Beth Gilliland of Waldorf has been selected to fill the vacancy on the Charles County Republican Central Committee.

An associate broker with Re/Max 100 in White Plains, she is a graduate of Thomas Stone High School and the College of Southern Maryland, according to a press release.

The Republican Central Committee of Charles County is the governing body and official spokesman for the Republican Party in Charles County. The purpose of the committee is to cooperate with the Republican State Central Committee of Maryland and with the Republican National Committee; to establish and operate an effective Republican political organization for Charles County; to register new voters as Republicans and encourage those registered otherwise to change their party affiliation to Republican; to recruit and help elect qualified, credible, and competitive candidates for local and statewide offices; to attract financial support sufficient to sustain effective party operations; and engage in other such activities as are necessary and proper to promote the goals, issues, and ideals of the GOP.

Board members sought for LifeStyles

LifeStyles of Maryland is seeking volunteers to join its board of directors.

LifeStyles is a nonprofit organization that provides services and programs to needy people in the community. Board members help provide direction for the organization and its staff, determine the organization's programs and services and monitor its operations, raise funds and represent the group in the community, according to a press release.

Members must live and/or work in Southern Maryland and preference is given to those who have backgrounds in strategic planning, financial services, human services and fundraising.

The deadline to apply is July 31.

For more information and to apply, call Sandy Washington at 301-609-9900, ext. 214 or e-mail swashington@lifestylesofmd.org.

Anthropologist to speak

Jefferson Patterson Park & Museum will host the next "From Boats to Bones: Archaeology is in the Details" lecture at 7 p.m. July 9.

Dr. Douglas Owsley of the Smithsonian Institution's Natural History Museum will present "A Forensic Anthropologist's View of Chesapeake History."

The lecture will discuss 17th-century life in Virginia and Maryland as revealed in findings from analysis of human skeletal remains.

The lecture will be held in the Maryland Archaeological Conservation Laboratory located on the JPPM grounds at 10515 Mackall Road in St. Leonard.

Call 410-586-8501, go to www.jefpat.org or e-mail jppm@mdp.state.md.us .

Be safe

From time to time the Charles County Sheriff's office releases safety tips.

Good locks, simple precautions, neighborhood alertness and common sense can help prevent most property crimes.

Make sure all porches, entrances and yards are well lighted.

For information regarding crime prevention, go to www.ccso.us.

jdavis@somdnews.com